When I met my husband, Greg, he was a young man in his surfing prime, spending most days at the beach while living in Southern California. Within a year of our acquaintance we were packing up my three sons, his German shepherd, and our few belongings,into an old, green Econoline van and heading up to Washington State. The six of us were one big, happy family starting a new life. So it was that in the Pacific Northwest, Greg took a hiatus from surfing to work and raise his ready-made family.
1979
It wasn’t until twenty-seven years later that he took up surfing again. But the water in Washington is frigid, unlike Southern California, so he had to don booties, gloves, a hood and a 5-4 wetsuit in order to brave the elements. And brave them he did. It didn’t take any time at all for him to get his surfing fever back with a vengeance. After thirty-three years of living in beautiful Washington State, we found ourselves craving the heat of the sun and warm, instead of glacial, ocean waves.
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When I tell my 94 year old mother we are selling our house and all our belongings in order to move to Mexico, she is unhappy and worried about us. I know she will miss us terribly, even though she lives in San Diego and living in Southern Baja means we won’t be farther away, just in the opposite direction. Mom and I have always been extremely close. I have good memories of being raised by this strong, independent woman. I don’t expect her to truly understand, but it bothers me when she asks, “Why Mexico?” For one thing, it should be obvious that we can’t afford to retire in America. The economy in the US of A is in a miserable state and if a person wants to retire, the monumental task of living without a paycheck requires lots of planning and lots of saving. The experts say you need a million dollars worth of assets, or maybe it’s that they say you need a million dollars in cash. I just can’t see us with a million dollars in assets, let alone cash. Apparently, somewhere along the way you are supposed to make some great investments that will help you to provide for the lifestyle you wish to maintain or create. Most of our investments have been bad ones, so we don’t have anything close to a million dollars. But with a little luck our health will hold out till we can get Medicare and buy supplemental insurance to cover health care costs. I realize that the best insurance is to take good care of ourselves, and follow some common sense rules to eat right, exercise daily and get plenty of rest. Oh, and we must remember to avoid stress! As I write this, I realize how this is exactly what we are doing now. Ah, but none of this explains why it bothers me that Mom asks, “Why Mexico?” You see, I didn’t mention the other thing she says. The very mean and racist thing she adds, which is, “Don’t you know there are Mexicans in Mexico?”
This is the same woman who voted twice for Obama even though she is a Republican. All my life she has reminded me to be humble and to show respect for others, no matter what their ethnicity. Of course I admonish her right then and there. I call her on it, reminding her that she didn’t bring me up to be a racist, and how dare she say such a horrible thing? It shuts her up, but the pain of knowing she could have these thoughts leaves, what I can only describe as, a hole in my heart—a black hole. She has never talked like this and I am dumbfounded, hurt, disappointed and ashamed.
I know I want to love her unconditionally, and of course I do, just as she has always loved me. I guess her “filters” are not in place as much as they used to be, now that she is 98. I just hope I accomplish as much in my life as she has, and do as well as she is doing, if I ever get that far.
Mom holding me in her arms–1946
Looking back, I wonder how many other people are thinking like Mom when we tell them of our plans to chuck it all and move to Baja. Do they just have the good sense to keep those thoughts to themselves? There are most likely some people shaking their heads wondering if we’ve lost our minds. They would like to ask, “Haven’t you listened to the news about Mexico? Of kidnapping and murder?” And in my head I’m hearing Mom’s deplorable question again. I feel the need to shake off this negative energy! Let it go.
Mom and me being silly at the University of Washington 1991
with Mom in 2010
Having fun at The San Diego Zoo in 2014
