The phone rings. It’s Shelly again. She’s babbling about not being able to find her necklace. “I took great pains to put it in a safe place. But I didn’t intend to make it safe from myself. Damn it. I can’t deny it any longer, I’ve lost my mind.”

God, this woman is annoying. Why do I put up with her and so many of my friends who are boring and needy? Paring down the number of unnecessary friends is definitely going on my to-do list today. I need some personal space.

Janice
Her laugh drives me crazy and she’s always complaining about her weight, while she stuffs another doughnut in her mouth.

Amanda
She never washes her face and mascara runs under her eyes making her look like an 80s goth.

Kyle
This guy can’t stop talking about himself. Sure he makes a lot of money selling crap on eBay, but why does he have to spoil our time together bragging about how well he’s doing? He should spend his money on some counseling.

Dumping these four will be healthy for me. Good-bye to them all. I’ll have less chaos, energy drain, and more time for myself. I’ll engage in some creative activities, like taking watercolor and pottery classes. Maybe I should look into volunteering at the local food bank too. Perfect!

I’ll be carving out a life worth living instead of merely getting up every morning at 7:00, taking the bus downtown to the most boring of jobs, answering queries and making appointments for three moneyed architects. Most likely it’s me, and not my friends, who’s boring.

As I sit on the bus wondering how to add deleting myself, instead of my friends, to my to-do list, the scent of aftershave reaches my nose. I look up and meet the deep green stare of the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.

He takes the seat available directly behind me. I hope the Head and Shoulders shampoo I’ve been using has eliminated my dandruff. What if he stares straight into the back of my head and it’s littered with flakes? Another whiff of his aftershave wafts my way as he settles into his seat. I hear him shake out a newspaper.

Good. He’s not looking at my hair. I don’t imagine he’s noticed me at all. Why would he? I’m not as remotely attractive as he is. I spend the rest of the bus ride wondering how to make his acquaintance, but I don’t come up with anything that isn’t obvious. I can’t help but turn around to get a last look as I get off the bus though. He’s beyond stunning with big green eyes and  muscles that pop out of his shirt. He belongs in a museum with Greek Gods chiseled out of marble.

Even though I don’t see him again in the next two weeks, I can’t shake the idea of him. Finding a way to meet him should go onto my to-do list.

The pottery class I signed up for doesn’t start till next week. Seeking adventure and hoping to bring more excitement into my life right now, I dress as sexy as I’m able, and go out. There’s a local restaurant that attracts the cool and hip. I don’t know how hip or cool it is to go out for an evening unescorted, but this is my first attempt to break out of my boring routine. Besides, people-watching is as good a pastime as anything I’ve been doing lately. Off to Zack’s where sitting at the bar makes it a bit easier to pull off being alone.

I sidle up two stools away from a man in a snazzy suit. Suit Guy probably stops often for a drink after work. Nobody pays attention to me, but I’m determined to make this a happy evening. One drink and I’ll be calm enough to make conversation if anyone is inclined. Maybe I should have chosen one stool closer to Suit Guy. It gets noisy as the place fills up, and I start to doubt my decision to go out alone.

When the bartender brings my second vodka martini, I ask for a menu. I’m determined to stick it out. The grilled salmon sounds good, so I place my order before jumping off my stool to head to the restroom to wash my hands. As I’m about to pass the front door, the Greek God I’ve been fantasizing about appears in the doorway.

He’s more gorgeous than I remember. And just as I’m about to walk past him, he waves to Suit Guy and goes to the bar to join him. My jaw drops as I watch them embrace. Not the dude hug with a back slap. No. It’s more like, “Oh my love I haven’t seen you in so long.”

I continue to the restroom and while I’m disappointed, the irony strikes me head on. I can’t hold back my laughter, even when the women at the sink turn to stare at me. I am laughing so hard I get the hiccups. At least I hold back on my usual laugh-snort. Of course he’s gay. It makes perfect sense. As inappropriate as it might sound, “Isn’t it always the best looking men who are gay?”

I wash my hands, check myself in the mirror, and in a few moments I collect myself enough to return to the bar. I’m enjoying the self-mockery of this situation. So be it, my fine bar stool neighbors. I’m happy for you both. It’s obvious I need to stop daydreaming about strangers I see on the bus and get on with my plans to enliven my life. 

The bartender brings my salmon. I’m starving. I’m feeling relieved, and while this isn’t the adventure I had in mind, it has lifted my mood and awakened me to the idea that it’s me who needs to make the most out of everything.

Tomorrow I’ll call the food bank to ask about volunteering. My so-called boring friends could join me too. Now I think I’m on to something that will make all of us more interesting. This idea is invigorating.

I mentally tear up my old to-do list and hold back a giggle to focus on my meal. It’s scrumptious, just like Greek God and Suit Guy. Simply scrumptious.