This idiomatic phrase has been rolling around in my head for awhile and my attention has been focused on precise distinctions. Is there a subtle difference between a push and a shove? When things get critical, and there is an urgency, does a push then become a shove?

 

I had a professor at the University of Washington that insisted there are no synonyms. Each word has its own special essence and I believe these two words prove his point. ‘Shove’ seems more aggressive, doesn’t it?

Recently, I had my push/shove moment. The political climate in the USA is horrendous. My heart breaks constantly over the unabashed way our leaders disrespect humans. Not just the immigrants who are coming in search of asylum, but its own citizens. If you happen to be a person of color, or if you are not straight, white, and male, or enjoy a good financial status, then you are often treated unfairly.

The actions taken by the current government officials that hurt democracy, harm others in the world, and negatively impact our planet’s environment will take years to reverse. The bigotry shown by #45 and his ilk hurts all of us. America is no longer the country to which I feel connected.

I became so incensed I had to quit Facebook because I couldn’t stop emotionally reacting to all the political posts. I was horrified by posts from friends, or their responses to others’ posts, that showed them to be people I don’t even want to know. How can ANYONE say that #45 is a Christian? I can think of a lot of descriptors of him, and Christian certainly is not one of them. He lacks integrity, intelligence, moral fiber, and the ability to think critically as evidenced by his lies, executive orders, and his choices for cabinet members.

But it is the issue of gun control that changes everything for me. I find myself losing control of my emotions when I see how many  people find no reason to even discuss gun control. Gun control is not a valid issue to them.

It isn’t healthy to get so wound up. I deactivated my Facebook account. Now I pick and choose what to read. I am surrounding myself with books that make me think, help me become a better person. I am immersing myself in painting, music, and beach walks. I spend time with people who care about others, and people who believe in protecting rights, but don’t see owning an AR15 as a right anyone has.

I will continue to vote, to uphold my values, be part of my community, and do things to help others in big and small ways. But I won’t be sucked into being part of poisonous rhetoric. I am choosing to look for positive ways to impact my world. The actions I want to take will be of a supportive, encouraging nature to those I encounter. I will be better able to share with enthusiasm now because I am not constantly aching inside, being reminded of the evil nature that seems to be thriving in America right now.

You may see my withdrawal as cowardly. But I see it as simply realizing my limitations. I’m refusing to be bombarded with what kills my spirit.  Push has come to shove.

I just learned to play Amazing Grace on the ukulele. I finished another colorful painting of a doorway. I took my dog for a walk, my husband and I had a great conversation with our neighbors, and I started a new book. I’m filling my life with love and happiness.